That Isn't Mariachi
by insomniatic-titans
Summary: Modern AU. Assuming is never a good thing to do. Sadly for Levi he never really thought of that rule and now is faced with choosing to keep pride and to apologize.


Today is just as fucking tiring as yesterday. I'm glad I'm home so I can just take a damn nap finally. Levi thought as he approached the door of his and his girlfriend Hanges apartment. They had known eachother for many years but decided they had a "different" kind of relationship about three months ago and tried it out. They had many similarities but also an equal amount of differences.

Levi, who was thirty-two years old, worked as a stock broker in an insurance company. To any average person they probably would jump off a bridge before doing something that boring, but he was content and pretty high up in the job.

As for his significant other Hange, she was a neurobiologist who worked with the human brain and discovered how it ticks. On many occasions she would come home and forget to clean her hands, one of Levi's MANY pet peeves.

Taking out a set of keys from his jacket pocket, he slid it through the padlock and jimmied it around until he heard a loud click of the sliding metal. Damn door really ticks me off...

Levi really wasn't expecting much when he walked in the door. As he entered and neatly slid off his shiny maroon shoes. Levi's nose sniffed something that wasn't shit or brains for once but the smell that widened his eyes - coffee.

Why is there coffee? Hange's the only one that drinks that shit and she told me she wouldn't come back until around 10:30...He thought before now noticing the shoes he just tripped on and he knew for sure those colossal low quality loafers weren't his. Mens size 14? Definitely not his.

What the fuck is going on here?

Now it was really starting to piss him off. Monster sized shoes, coffee, and now...muffled voices? It all started to add up. Storming his way into their living room he found Hange, HIS girlfriend, smiling on the couch with a tall blond man with brown eyes. They were laughing together.

"What...in the name of FUCKING SHIT is THIS HANGE!?" He scolded. Would the neighbors hear him? Yes. Did he care? Hell no.

Shit, he looks like he is going to piss himself. Not on my fucking couch!

"Who the fuck are you and what are you doing with her you little shit?"

"I-I-" he tried to answer before Hange stepped in.

"Calm down, he's just my research assistant!"

"Really? Well the only thing he wants to fucking research is you! And you were fucking smiling with him!" Levi angrily retorted, glaring at them both.

"And what the hell is that supposed to mean?"

"I'm saying that you're a cheating bastard Hange! And in our own apartment damn it! Do you hate me or am I fucking losing my shit?"

Her assistant was still sitting there wishing he would just vanish but sadly that wasn't realistic.

"Ya' know what you clean freak, you haven't lost something because you can't lose something you never had in the first place. Get out of my fucking house Levi."

"Pfft, your house!? It's our house for fucks sake!"

"Nope. Since I pay most of the bills around here."

"What?"

"Okay, I am a neurobiologist. You are a stock broker. Why else do you think I've been putting in all these extra hours like I was before you barged in!? You really think I'm cheating on you? Just get out of here. Both of you."

"Fine! I'll prove I can make more damn money that you too!" he said, slamming the door shut.

God damn it I fucked up again. Great, now the only place I can go that's clean is back to my office. That is just so fan-fucking-tastic!

Now in a dejected mood, Levi slugged his way down to the parking garage and found his old Volvo. I'll fucking prove it.

* * *

I fucking hate this place Levi thought as he opened the door to find something yet again that pissed him off. The interns were fucking around in the office. Eren Jaeger was standing on his desk in his cubicle while throwing a fucking fleet of dmn paper airplanes in the air. Armin Arlert, one of the calmer of them, was running around and stealing staplers and sticky notes from other people while they weren't there. And of course that Kirschtein kid had his tie around his forehead and rode a swivel office chair down the aisles. The only thing that was worse was Springer copying his ass in the fax machine.

Are you fucking with me right now? I'm done with all this shit today.

It only got worse though. Sasha Braus was raiding through the food cabinet, Hoover was sweating and took off his shirt. Hell, even Reiner was looking at playboy while lying on the floor.

"Everyone...SHUT YOUR FUCKING MOUTHS AND GET TO WORK. THIS PLACE IS A FUCKING PIG STY AND NOW ALL OF YOU ARE GOING TO CLEAN EVERY SPOT, CREVICE, AND CRANIE OF THIS OFFICE. JAEGER, GET OFF THE DESK! SPRINGER, QUIT ASS FUCKING THE COPIER! BRAUS, PUT THAT FOOD DOWN; WHAT ARE YOU, A WOMAN OR A FUCKING PIG!? EVERYONE IN HERE HAS THE NIGHTSHIFT FOR EIGHT DAMN MONTHS!" Levi boomed at the interns that were now praying for a miracle to save them.

"P-P-Please don't fire us sir! It wasn't our fault, honest!" Armin pleaded.

"Oh yeah? Then why is my office such a damn wreck?"

"We were drugged!" Jean quickly quipped, thinking he had made the best excuse ever.

"With what? A syringe of **bullshit**? You aren't worth it, I need to work." the angered man ordered then walked into his now filthy desk.

Files were thrown everywhere, pencils rolling around, paperclips braided into jewelry, and even stains on the carpet. The only thing that wasn't damaged was a picture of Hange in her lab coat, getting an award for scientific discovery. She looked beautiful with that bright smile she always flashed, even if her hair was a rats nest. I miss shitty-glasses' smile. Ugh damn feelings.

**CRASH **

He wasn't sure what force in him made him do it but Levi punched the frame off the desk. Glass shards were everywhere. The picture wasn't visible anymore through the piles of former cover in the frame, but he still tried to salvage it anyways. Now not only was his heart bleeding emotionally, but his hands were definitely bleeding physically. The sounds of chatter could be heart from outside the door. During that time he snapped back into reality and remembered the only thing that seperated his office from everyone else was a wall made entirely of, you guessed it, fucking glass.

Everyone definitely saw me do that. Shit, they are coming closer. Oh no-stop! Don't put your hands on the fucking glass you idiots, I just fucking wiped it down earlier! Damn ibeciles...

The door to his office slowly opened when one by one the so called interns walked in like baby ducks following their mother. All of them looked at their boss but only Springer had the confidence to speak up.

"Um ah...lady problem sir?"

"No shit baldie. Why do you wanna know?"

"Well what if we help you for something in return?"

"That is...?"

"N-No night shift for eight months!"

"Six"

"Four"

"Five and it's a deal Springer."

"Deal. Alright, so tell the love masters what's up."

"I will on the condition that you don't say that shit ever again."

"Sorry!"

"Well this is what happened...((insert long explanation here)) and then she kicked me out."

"Why don't you just go back!?"

"Because she took my fucking key."

The boys huddled up and discussed something between themselves leaving Levi to wonder what they were talking about. About five minutes later they turned back around and explained their solution.

"Okay we gotta use plan M."

"What the hell does the M stand for?"

"Mariachi."

What the fuck is Mariachi?

"Excuse me but the fuck is that thing?"

"Ya' know, those people at Spanish restaurants that play the guitar and have fancy clothes on?" Connie asked.

"And how is that shit going to fucking help me right now?"

"Well, when Sasha got pissed at me once when I stole her quesadilla I got a Mariachi band to play for her and she stopped hating me!...well after that and three burritos."

"So you are telling me that I need to pay some pricey musicians to play one fucking song...couldn't I just do it myself so I can save my money?"

"I guess, but I mean there's more than one instrument sir. There's an occordian, guitar, viola, trumpet, a bigger guitar..."

All my problems are solving eachother.

"W-Why are you looking at my with that creepy grin?" Eren asked.

"No damn reason. Now tell me what size poncho you wear Jaeger."

"You don't really mean you want us t-"

"Oh you KNOW I do. Here." he said, handing them some cash. "You have two hours to get some instruments and learn to play them. Come back here at that exact time or you're fired. Now out!"

They all promptly left to get started.

Great, now that they're gone I have to clean my damn office. Wait, where are Ackerman and Leonhardt?

((This is just a quip by me but they are in the womens bathroom smoking and using their phones.))

Taking out a key card he pressed it to a bookshelf and not only did the books disappear, but cleaning supplies of all sorts were there.

I'll start fixing this shithole after I message her.

* * *

Hange had felt pretty crappy after that whole ordeal. She wasn't sure if she was angry at him for assuming she was cheating or just angry at herself for kicking them out. If only she could disect her own brain so she could solve the problem, but that obviously was impossible.

To cheer herself up, the mopey woman changed from her white labcoat to a maroon t-shirt that was, by the looks of it, three sizes too large, and some old sweat pants.

Damn, being single kinda sucks doesn't it? But wait...I'm free to do what I want. You know what that means Hange? GREYS ANATOMY MARATHON! WOOO! she excitedly thought.

Hange pounced to the kitchen and took out, not a bowl, but an entire tub of icecream with a plastic spoon. Finally finding her "spot" on the couch, she turned on her favourite show. Right after she hit the play button though she got a text. The scientist knew who it was instantly because of the ringtone.

** Yo, I'll tell you what I want, what I really really want,**

**So tell me what you want, what you really really want,**

**I'll tell you what I want, what I really really want,**

**So tell me what you want, what you really really want,**

**I wanna, I wanna, I wanna, I wanna, I wanna really really really wann- **

"Levi...?"

**Come to my office in two hours shitty-glasses**

**-Why...?**

**Just do it _ _ _**

**-Fine. Just calm down..**

Levi can be a real shit kicker when he wants something. Well Patrick Dempsey, you'll have to wait for later I guess.

She didn't want to end up like Bridget Jones did, eaten by wild dogs, so she decided to change into something presentable. Her small closet had an assortment of clothes but she decided on a special garment. She decided to wear a navy blue camisol with a white fleece jacket, black yoga pants and high heeled boots. There were many other options though.

Why does choosing have to be so hard?

* * *

Why does choosing have to be so damn hard? I'm choosing a song not trying to detonate a bomb.

He really didn't think it would be this difficult to choose. Maybe he would just leave that up to Springer to decide. As long as she liked it he didn't really care about what the song was. Doing all of this shit wasn't really his cup of tea but Levi wanted his apartment back; he wanted her back. No more waiting for it he just needed to admit he was wrong. How hard could that be?

Two hours later the interns were back, each with their own instrument. Connie Springer on a guitarra de golpe, Jaeger on trumpet, Kirschtein on violin, Reiner on guitarrón, Hoover on vihuela, and Arlert on an accordian.

"You got the instruments but can you play the damn things?"

"Hell yeah! Listen!" Eren said before blasting the short mans head into the stratosphere.

"I think you killed him Eren...am I still getting paid?" Jean asked with actual seriousness.

"Ugh quiet! Now how does this plan of yours work Connie?"

"Well first ya' pull her in, sweep her off of her feet, put some random rose in your mouth, and then confess your undying lo-" he explained before getting cut off.

"I do WHAT!? I'M DOING THIS AS A DAMN APOLOGY NOT AS A FUCKING LOVE CONFESSION YOU IDIOT!"

Before Levi could bite the boys head off the elevator door opened and the sound of heels clanking on the ground echoed through the entire floor. "You got it sir. Relax and just don't-"

"Don't shit myself? I'm pretty sure I can fucking hold in bowel movements Springer."

As the group moved back so their boss could have some space the door opened to reveal something that he didn't see everyday.

Holy fucking shit, is that Hange?

"Hot damn..." Reiner said, but instantly shut his mouth after receiving the don't fucking-dare-or-I-will-murder-you glare from Levi.

"H-Hange" he said before coughing to regain his stable tone. "You look-"

"Terrible, I know. Stupid ass car wreck on the freeway made my hair all crappy."

"No, you look...well-"

"Shitty? Crappy as usual? Yeah, yeah, I know the routi-"

"Pulchritudinous.."

The girls jaw dropped in complete and utter shock. "You...really mean that? You aren't shitting me are you?"

"Why else would I do this." he said cueing them to play.

Levi didn't expect many things to happen tonight like his girlfriend coming in looking like a fucking bombshell but the next surprise, in his opinion, was absolutely horrid.

As Levi finally got her in his grasp the boys started playing.

** Feliz Navidad**

**Feliz Navidad**

**Feliz Navidad**

**Prospero Aсo y Felicidad**

You have got...to be FUCKING. KIDDING. ME. Out of all the songs he could have chosen he choses MOTHER FUCKING FELIZ NAVADAD!? If she gets pissed my ass in a sling, which also means their asses aren't the only thing that will be slinging down from a rope.

Trying to take a look away from her, he sent Connie a death glare.

"What? It was easy and on sale!"

"Bwahahahaha~!" Hange cackled uncontrollably. "I love this song! Thanks Levi."

Reaching for his face she gave him a short peck on his cheek.

"Just on the fucking cheek? Woman do you know what hell I went through today? God damn it Shitty-Glasses, get the fuck over here!"

Without even a moment of hesitation Levi leaned her back for a romantic kiss. It may have been over exaggerated but it was extremely sensual and passionate. Deepening in intimacy they wouldn't stop even for air. Even though it wasn't Christmas he got his girlfriend and his apartment back.

**I wanna wish you a Merry Christmas  
I wanna wish you a Merry Christmas  
I wanna wish you a Merry Christmas  
From the bottom of my heart** ****


End file.
